It's Been a While

I feel bad that I haven't blogged in a while.  I can come up with some excuses... but excuses are just that.  They're not worthy of your time or mine.  Still, a lot has been going on, which maybe would have been great for the blog, but I just didn't have the energy for it. 

Kassandra has moved away to college.  We had a really great going away party for her, I was not the best host, I couldn't for the life of me generate myself to be welcoming or even hold a conversation.  My friends and family will have to forgive me and understand.  I don't even understand all the emotions I'm feeling.  On August 14th my husband turned 37 years old and we dropped off Kassandra at the University of Missouri.  Happy Birthday, Al!  One down and one more to go!  :-)  For the record, I am really happy and proud that my daughter accomplished this goal and that this is the direction she wanted to take with her life.  For some reason, I also am mad, sad, and upset.  It doesn't make any sense. 

(This picture was taken the night of Kassandra's going away party, the night before she left to school.)

(Here, Kassandra is waiting to be allowed into her dorm to start moving in and decorating.)

She rarely calls, and if she does, it's because she needs something.  That makes me mad. 
She doesn't share details with me, stories, her days or her adventures.  That makes me sad.  I must have failed to establish a friendship bond and failed at keeping the communication lines open.  I love talking, and it's a compliment to me when someone likes sharing their life with me.

(Left to right:  Me, Kassandra, and Alexander in her dorm room.)

At home, we are still going through a transition.  Last night was the first night since she left that I slept in my own bed.  I've been sleeping on her bed... which sounds psycho, so let me explain.  First of all, Alexander and Kassandra shared a room with a bunk bed.  Alexander might be nine years old, and never really played with Kassandra because of their age difference, but every night, he waited for her before falling asleep on his top bunk bed.  When Kassandra left, his "security blanket" left too.  And for me, it was a relief to feel wanted and needed and a relief too because I couldn't just go to my room and sleep in my bed like it was any other night.  My daughter was gone.  Missing.  That is the best way to describe how the house has felt since she left, like something is missing.  Her, obviously.  But not just her physical presence, her spark, her energy, her contribution - her spirit. 

(Saying good bye outside of her dorm building at the University of Missouri)

Well, I don't know how to describe all that exactly, but after 10 days of it, I thought, I NEED to get back to some normalcy.  This past Monday both my kids started school.  I am not excited to have the "brats" back to school as so many of my Facebook friends posted.  I love my kids and their company and presence.  However, I am always thrilled for each new school year - for the possiblities, and excited to be back on a schedule.  I started working again, part-time from home.  I work for a high school relations department for a local college, so I work closely with the high schools.  Obviously, since they are off for the summers, so am I.  Now, my days are back to a routine though.  I wake up, get myself dressed in a workout outfit, get my son ready for school, make sure he has breakfast, ensure that he's groomed, that his homework is in his backpack, and off we go!  After dropping him off at school, I like to workout.  Then I rush home for lunch and start my work.  Then it's time to pick him up, make dinner, do homework, rest/relax, check my work emails one last time again, and then really relax at home - because my husband is usually home by then. 

This week, I did a Core Commotion class on Monday.  I took it easy, I did not use heavy weights.  I mostly stayed around 5 lbs. because I hadn't worked out in a while.  On Tuesday, I did a Muscle Max class and Zumba.  I am STILL sore from those workouts.  Wednesday, I didn't workout out.  This morning I did a Piloxing class.  I hope to make it to the gym again tomorrow.  I have been getting a ride to the gym though because... when it rains it pours, my brakes on my car need fixing.  I am currently car-less.  I don't know when I'll be able to get them fixed either because my paychecks are accounted for until October 13th!!  Well, it is what it is.  Wish me luck! 

I'll start wearing my heart rate monitor to track the number of calories I burn.  But I have to be fair and tell you I've been eating like crap.  Yesterday, I had a large popcorn with large slushy at the movies all to myself.  The week Kassandra left to college I ate apple pie every night because there was one left over from her party.  There was also a crumb cake left over, so I've been having that too, and chocolate.  Oh boy... well... let me just say this list can be long, and it's all bad bad bad. 

Below are a few pictures from Kassandra's going away party.  There are a ton more on Facebook if you want to see the full album.